Smirf haters... beware.

I haven't been able to sleep the past few days. I think it's due to a mixture of things.

1) I have nothing to do the next day... so sleep is always a good option.
2) My brain just doesn't shut up... EVER.
3) I need to learn how to 'Chill yo'.

If you know me, you know that I'm the type of person who worries about every little thing. I over-analyze everything & wear my heart on my sleeve. I'm artistic and as one of my best friends so delicately put it the other day, I'm over dramatic. This combination of personality traits has lead to the current state of things, also known as 'sleep deprivation'. For normal people, this could easily be cured with a healthy dose of well... sleep. But Brigitte is anything by normal. My best thoughts and inspiration comes to me when I'm lacking sleep, always has & probably always will. So I'm taking advantage of it.

I've had a lot of time to think the past few weeks. Really just a time to try and reconnect with myself. The past year has been CRAZY for me, to say the least. It has had it's shares of ups and downs; highs and lows. While this is nor the time or the place for going over all of those... let's just say it's been a ride for sure. I'm at a point right now where I need to 'find myself' & find who I'm meant to be. And it's been good so far. I've been getting back into my art again. Something that I haven't done in 2 years, and especially not the past year. Before last week, I hadn't picked up a paint brush in over a year. It was such a thrill to be reconnected with it. To feel like it's an extension of my arm, flowing onto a canvas. I cannot begin to explain the thrill.

In essence, I'm trying to re-discover my passions. The things that were put inside of me for a purpose. While I am nowhere close to discovering them all, or even to see how they are intricately knitted together... I'm beginning to realize that I don't need to see the 'big picture' to know where my heart & God are leading me.

Tonight at the young adults group that I attend, we discussed some stuff that hit a little to close to home for comfort. As I'm on this journey of discovery, I'm learning that I'm not into religious rules. I'm just really not. As someone who's a follower of Christ, I've committed to do just that. Follow Christ. Follow where He leads me. Follow His example. I do it not just because it's the 'in' thing to do. But because I believe that the way that He shows us, is good and is right. As I read through & study the accounts of His life, I'm more and more convinced that He's teaching us to love. & to be authentic about it.

Tonight, people who had grown up in the church were asked to described the weirdest thing that they were told not to do because 'it's not what good Christians do'. Some of the examples were wierd.

'I wasn't allowed to listen 'non-christian' musi
'I wasn't allowed to dance.'
'I wasn't allowed to watch Sesame Street'
'I wasn't allowed to watch the Smurfs'

Really now? The smurfs? As someone who didn't grow up in the church, when I hear some of those things I don't know what to think. While I understand (now especially), that we must flee the appearance of evil, how do some of 'our' rules make sense? Are we not just setting ourselves up for failure? We're creating an image of what a 'christian' should look like, that no one can possible fit into. If Jesus said that His yoke is easy, and His burden is light, then why is it so stinking hard to be a Christian in the church today? I don't think that the form of Christianity that we've been feeding people, is always what Jesus was talking about. Sure, Jesus himself said that it would be full of struggles and persecution, but come on people... why are you all hating on the smurfs? (I bet it's probably cause they're short... even though short people are super fly)

I don't think that's where our 'battle' lays. I think... no. I correct myself. I know that there a bigger 'fish to fry'.

What about the millions of orphans around the world, who have noone to love them? The babies that have no one to show them that there is a God who wants nothing more then to have them feel His love.

What about the ladies who are out there selling their bodies? And what about the ones who are giving their bodies away to men just so that they can feel some sort of love? Who's going to show these girls that there is a God who sees them and wants to treat them as a princess. Someone who should be cherished and loved and protected.

What about that person who sits in our pews that feels all alone? Who feels like there isn't anyone who can understand the pain that they are going through. Who drowns themselves in substances because the hurt is too unbearable. Who doesn't feel like they are worthy of anyone's love, yet alone the God of the universe.

How can we be caring for these people, when we're worried about our own little rules that we use to keep us 'safe' from the world?How can we show them that there is hope when all we're doing in judging them? How can we point them towards a God who offers wholeness and peace, when all we're going is causing them more pain? The answer is that we can't. We cannot show people genuine, authentic love when we're too caught up being Smurf haters.

I have been so challenged lately to live my live in a way that inspires change in others. Not one that tells them what to change so that they can fit into a mold of what I think a Christian should look like.I want to be a person who ALWAYS shows someone love. In the middle of my own hurt, I want to show people an unexplainable love.

Because my God loved me with this same love. A love that died for me even thought I turned my back on Him numerous times.

Do I screw up sometimes? Yep. You betcha. Why? Because I'm human and if I didn't screw up then I wouldn't need God's grace.
Is there room for improvement? Yep. You betcha. Why? Because I'm growing and learning and finding my way through my own crap.

One of the guys at young adults said something that caught my attention. He said that he just needed to be him... that we just needed to be ourselves.

So that summed it up for me. I just need to be me. Raw, flawed, authentic, genuine me. Not some mocked up creation of what Brigitte should be. But 100% pure Brigitte. If I really am someone that has been changed by the God of love, then that should be just pouring out of me.

Don't be hatin'!